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Dear Facebook: You’re A Slut, And I Hate You, And I Deserve Better
An Open Break-Up Letter*
It’s no secret, to the five people who occasionally land on this site before moving on to better things (like The Oatmeal) that I don’t like you, Facebook.
In the beginning, I wanted you, but couldn’t have you. You made me your bitch by staying exclusive; exclusive to everyone but me, it seemed. Then the invites began. I opened my email one day and there you were:
Oh thou deadly beast! What hast thou started-eth-eth?
Ah, youth. How innocent we all were back then. See profiles? I don’t know what that means**, but it sure sounds nice. Share photos? Hey that’ll give me an excuse to use that digital camera I bought last year.^ Connect with friends? You know, I’m awfully busy and, for the most part, if I’ve lost connection with someone, there’s probably a good rea…ah, what the hell. Could be fun.
Do you notice what’s not in that description? HEY! Don’t you walk away from me! I’m not done. What’s missing? Read the rest of this entry
